Getting to One
Biblical Marriage Survival Guide
God’s plan is for a man and a woman to unite in marriage. That creates a new ‘oneness’, a new relationship that changes the role of each person and in each family.
1) Gen 2:24 — Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave/is united to his wife, and they become one flesh;
2) Mt 19:5–6 — a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife… no longer two, but one flesh;
3) Eph 5:31 — a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and the two shall become one.
Repeatedly God says in marriage the man leaves his family and unites with his wife to become one. The woman unites with the man, already leaving her family, and the man and woman together start a new journey to create a new union, separate and apart from the original family units.
· It is the husband’s responsibility to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25) and for the wife to reverence/respect/support her husband (Eph 5:33) — both must happen
· YOUR relationship with each other becomes paramount when forming a new relationship of ONE
· You BOTH are no longer immediate family to or with your parents; you are now immediate family to each other and your relationship with parents is as EXTENDED family
· God says to honor your parents (Exodus 20:12, Eph 6:2) but as a newly-established body of ONE that means to respect them, perhaps seek counsel with and of them, but your relationship is no longer direct to them, but to each other.
· Your parents will never stop loving you, but the relationship must change — you are now morally and before the sight of God responsible for and to each other, not your extended family.
Both sets of parents are no longer responsible for your spiritual, physical, or emotional well-being. There must be a clear understanding that you are ultimately responsible to God for your new relationship as ONE. You cannot allow parents to divide or take control your relationship. It does not matter what either set of parents think — If you are going to get to ONE, you must commit to each other and not be led astray by the parents.
Both sets of parents can provide counsel and advice, but not initiate it. If you need counsel, God expects YOU to SEEK it; that is a new role for the parents and a new expectation of you.
The husband is responsible for his wife; the wife is responsible to the husband; neither are obligated scripturally or otherwise to appease anyone but to simply live their lives as God directs and to maintain the unity of their relationship.
Your marriage depends on you becoming one. Otherwise, ‘one’ becomes divided or never established, meaning relationship will not work.
During that process, rely heavily on 1 Cor 13 as to how love is defined and Eph 4:32 — be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward each other and those around you.
